that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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