If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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