i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
