She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
