What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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