WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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