I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
