Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
