I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
