when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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