I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
