Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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