Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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