You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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