she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
