all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
