i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
