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I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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