I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car