Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.