I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
