I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.