Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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