So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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