Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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