ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
