Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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