so that wasnt chicken after all
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
