I got chris browned last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
