is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
