The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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