"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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