At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
