??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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