Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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