I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
