He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
