direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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