My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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