So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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