Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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