The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
