I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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