I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
