it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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