I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
