I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
