were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
