i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
