I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
