I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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