im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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