ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
