I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
