I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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