So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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