they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
