Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
