Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
