Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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