you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
