no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
