if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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