Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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