We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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