I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
