I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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