Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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