You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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